How to tell the difference between introversion and social anxiety

A holistic psychology and social work approach

If you have stumbled upon, and are reading this post I have no doubt that you’ve had the experience of being physically, mentally and socially drained from a social occasion with friends, family or coworkers. The small talk, the hosting, the wondering how much is appropriate to drink, or to eat, what’s the vibe of the people. It can be a lot. You feel completely spent afterwards. And maybe you’re thinking to yourself, “okay my social tank is empty, I’m good for a few weeks now”. And then some avoidance comes in, not making any effort to socialise following such an event because you feel done. And then perhaps an important question comes up…

Am I experiencing introversion or social anxiety?

One way to help identify this is to understand the what’s the same and what the difference is. Here is what is the same between social anxiety and introversion - feeling exhausted after socialising, difficulty with large groups, a preference for one on one or small group conversations over large gatherings, feeling sensory overload from social situations, wishing for a “I’m done and I’d like to escape now” button when you’ve reached your social limit and avoidance of social gatherings.

The key difference between social anxiety and introversion is the thoughts about social interaction, and the ability to maintain relationships.

Many people don’t realise that there is a bit of myth about introverts and those with social anxiety in that they aren’t good at socialising- where people with social anxiety actually have some of the best social skills of most people. Why is this? Let’s define this for a moment.

Introversion and extroversion is about where a person replenishes their energy- for introverts this is often alone and in carefully curated habitual environments. Introverts need alone time, reflection time, and need time to replenish, particularly after socialising. Social anxiety can present the same but the key difference is that social anxiety comes from a fear based place.

People with social anxiety often thrive in social settings, this is because they are what we call “hypervigilant” in social situations- they are hyper or over aware of every action, every word, every minute facial expression. They are unconsciously scanning the environment to ensure they fit in because of an often unconscious fear and insecurities of not being liked, or not fitting in, being judged, and imposter syndrome. These fears are often based in what we call core beliefs (click the link for the podcast on this).

The exhaustion and habits to combat this that introverts and people with social anxiety have are often similar, but the driver and the after effects are different. Introversion is driven by energy and sensory and stimulus processing from socialising. Social anxiety is driven by a fear or not belonging to the group, and exhaustion manifests as overthinking of every interaction, every word and every reaction in social interactions leading to look for confirmation of this belief of not belonging.

Negative core beliefs and overactive fear responses often drive the fear in social anxiety.

If you feel that you have social anxiety more than just introversion, and find yourself worrying about others perception of you both before and after social interactions, then we often see that this comes from negative core beliefs and an overactive fear response.

Negative core beliefs are deep core beliefs about ourselves and the world, that are often developed in childhood, and are often unconscious to us as adults but drive a lot of our not so great behaviours and emotions. One of the goals of therapy and our coaching is to bring the unconscious, conscious- that is, bring thoughts and behaviours that are outside of your awareness into your awareness.

Fear responses are also often unconscious to us until brought into our awareness, as they happen in the brain automatically. Fear responses have also been called trauma responses or stress responses, and happen at the bottom of our brain deep in the emotional and instinctual part of the brain as in our cave man years in the primal time, we needed them to protect us. These responses are called fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

An anxious brain has an overactive fear response.

In all forms of anxiety including social anxiety, the driver of fear is overactive which is what leads to feeling on edge and on guard for incoming threat. This manifests as over planning, checking behaviours, perfectionism, high and unrelenting standards, workaholism, busyness and difficulty with vulnerability, mindfulness and getting calm or rest. Therefore often a goal for the anxious brain is calm it down, and reset the fear response through raised awareness and new habits.

I am anxious! How do I calm my fear response and stop acting from a negative core belief?

Therapy. Yes, therapy! I truly believe it is a highly effective way to help anxiety and the research backs this up. But also the anxious brain likes predictability, implementing the same sleep/wake times, meal times, sleep routines etc. can really help create the much needed security it is seeking through a predictable schedule. Also physically it helps to eat carbs (carb cutting can heighten anxiety) and not do a fasting diet (fasting can add stress to the nervous system) as well as staying hydrated and eating whole foods. This is why we often recommend getting a blood test and engaging with a naturopath or nutrition expert to help manage anxiety with a holistic approach.

If you would like more tips and help with your anxiety check out our one on one services, our podcast or join our newsletter. Or take the quiz

Enjoyed this post? share it with your friends or send us an email at hello@savasanacollective.com We would love to hear from you.